Enough raw, unwashed stats to kill an elephant
| Player | Games played | Points | Dunks | Opponents wounded |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Stalin | 21 | 78 | 12 | 27 |
| Mao | 20 | 75 | 2 | 7 |
| Nixon | 21 | 72 | 23 | 14 |
| Kim Jong-il | 21 | 72 | 0 | 16 |
| Louis XVI | 19 | 70 | 5 | 13 |
| Nero | 20 | 68 | 3 | 21 |
| Kim Jong-Un | 18 | 67 | 0 | 46 |
| Castro | 19 | 62 | 4 | 23 |
| Mussolini | 20 | 60 | 7 | 18 |
| Chavez | 17 | 58 | 3 | 27 |
| Bush | 21 | 56 | 1 | 14 |
| Napoleon | 20 | 55 | 4 | 16 |
| Vlad | 19 | 53 | 2 | 31 |
| Mugabe | 20 | 51 | 5 | 11 |
| Pinochet | 19 | 48 | 1 | 19 |
| Gorbachev | 21 | 45 | 3 | 23 |
| Atilla | 20 | 44 | 5 | 18 |