Crammin your tiny skull with pure, hot news, one word at a time.
Adolf Hitler. There's a name we haven't heard in a while. Ever since last year's accident where he collided with Kim Jong-il, has his uppercut blocked and took a strong kick to the knee, he has been in recovery mode. The jumping boot stomp to the neck and biting off of three of his fingers by Kim Jong-un in a ritual display of dominance dint help, either. Thankfully, Hitler's team was able to retrieve his fingers in the ensuing 15-minute long brawl, and the doctors were able to reattach them. In a painstaking 180-minute procedure, his leg was pieced back together, and is now healing up nicely. Now, to diehard fans, all of this is old news. However, a new glimmer of raw, unfilitered hope has arrived. Hitler is slowly regaining his ability to speak! We visited him at the hospital, as he was undergoing a speech therapy session with the nurses.
"I will...hamster...salt...[unintelligible gurgling].....family"
-Adolf Hitler